Naked Bieber and Lip Balm

Hey guys,

If you came to the blog in hopes of seeing a very nude Bieber, keep dreamin’ darling because I can’t do that to someone, share something that brings them humiliation. He’s hot stuff, I’ll give you that but, don’t we prosecute males who do the same things to females and they get labeled a THOT, and then they write sad ass Instagram quotes about it and stuff. By sharing or even looking at those photos we are saying is okay to be sexist, and yes you can be sexist towards males. I’m no saint and I’m no angel, I am literally the farthest thing from one. Temptation can be a nasty little bug to shake, like a stomach flu or diarrhea but, nonetheless I haven’t looked at the photos and turned the channel when it comes on. Btw I will be mad as shit if it turns out he’s okay with the photos because that just wasted about 160 words.

So winter is coming and even though its only fall we’ve already been under a FREEZE ADVISORY where I live and by some strange occurrence I temporarily misplaced my lemon eos lip balm (literally the only one I use, ever) and now my lips are dry and nasty as hell. Anyway I looked up some things about lip balm and as it turns out the chemicals in lip balm are a DRUG. I’m not stupid I know you’re not gonna get high of lip balm (although that is a sneaky way to sell drugs) DON’T DO DRUGS!! but your lips can get addicted so when you stop using it you’re lips start to crave the shit. Now that my lips are dry I feel like I have to put my lips through a damn 12 step program to wean it off of lip balm.

I know when I first started this, it was exciting and more interesting than this but, I promise my life is a hot ass mess and I’m bound to do something idiotic soon.

At my school we have co-ed gym, and considering I took PE9 in the 9th grade and passed, I take Team Sports. There are pro’s and con’s to Team Sports, a pro is that if you actually participate you’re getting a workout almost 3 times a week (granted you’re there every class), a con is that there are only 4 girls in a class of 18 (including me) and only 2 of them participate 90%  of the time (aka ME and whoever else decides to play that day).A pro is that you get to see guys play games and then ogle them, and if you’re athletic they may decide they want you to play with them. A con is that once your gym teacher realizes you’re athletic or can do something as simple as catch a football he wants you to play for every damn sports team in the school.

But, specifically my problem with my team sports class is that I hate being the girl who is treated like one of the guys because I don’t sit on my ass the whole class or cry when I fall or get pushed. Why is it that in order for me to keep my femininity I have to lose my athleticism ? I don’t look like some super lean sexy training machine (I had Panera Bread for Dunch*)  and I’m terrible at sticking to diets, and I do workout but not to the point where I can Arnold Schwarzenegger your ass across the room but I keep a lean frame, or I try to.

I give a lot of health tips at the bottom of these things but how many people actually use them honestly? Like if you softly rub your lips with a lemon and then when they tingle apply honey to them and leave it for like a minute and then softly wipe it off with a lukewarm  towel your lips get pinker and if you keep it up over time they can stay that way. Or that instead of purchasing an expensive acne routine off the bat you can try a mixture of two spoonfuls of cinnamon and one spoonful of honey mix it together, and apply it to your face for 15 minutes our cleaning your pores (btw if you try it, it stings like hell).

I just got Selena Gomez’s new album Revival [Deluxe] (cause I’m too cool for the basic album) and you should totally get it, it makes you feel sexy and allows you to have fun and she’s not crying over Justin in them. Is it ironic that while I’m talking about Selena I just remembered the title of this blog, yes, yes it is and I love me some irony.

I love writing, I hate that I ever stopped. There was one point where I was getting 13 views a day, and although that ain’t shit compared to others it made me feel good, and I’m not gonna beg people to read this shit because I like when people find me by perhaps, it’s cool and makes me feel powerful. But those of you who continue, even through my long lapse in writing, have read these, I thank you from the bottom of my achy-breaky heart. You are the reason I still write these and because its a good option for me when I’m bored.

I hate nosy ass people, I’m over here writing my blog like a good little blogger should and some random comes peaking over my shoulder, muthafrecka who are you? If you’re so interested in what I’m doing, ask don’t act like you’re interested in the biography of Hilary Clinton (that is behind me) while you have a comic book in your hand. Boy, I know you don’t have a clue about politics and I also know that you’re not interested in the adult romance section directly across from Hilary’s book because you look like you’re  12 years old and you have the muscle tone of Pinocchio . I could mistake you for a bald ass girl.

That was really mean but, you don’t hover over me and then get mad when I change direction because you’re all up in my screen making me feel uncomfortable in my very comfy chair.

P.S. I am not a bully, at all. I hate bullying and I don’t say a bunch of bad shit about or to anybody and I don’t even know the individual that I was speaking of, I was annoyed and I have that right because it says so in the Bill of Rights.

P.S.S. I don’t know how many of you watch tv… jk you know that I know that you love tv just as much a I do, and specifically Scream Queens comes on tonight at 9 and I am staying up to watch it cause I LOVE THAT DAMN SHOW! So you should watch it

Don’t forget you are the most beautiful individual and no matter what anyone says to try to tear you down, you have to remember just that. The world, and specifically my world and that of anyone else who loves you wouldn’t be complete. In the words on the great Becky Jackson (GLEE) :

“You are one bad ass, crazy super bitch”

and I love you, and Becky Jackson (aka fav character ever)

Peace Out Girl Scouts,


*Dunch – A meal that is both Dinner and Lunch, usually used by wannabe dieters and hipsters who are also wannabe dieters



Add yours →

  1. I love the way you write. It makes me laugh. 🙂 And I think that is SO crazy about lip balm!! 😱 lol

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